By Andrew Sabatini

When I logged into Facebook the other day, I saw a tag line on the log on page saying “Facebook is a social utility that connects you with people around you.” Despite the fact that Myspace does not have a tag line like Facebook, it also allows you to connect with the people around you. These two websites do more than just “connect” you with people around you. Facebook and Myspace play an important role in the concepts and practices of courtship.

While the idea of courtship can not be considered new, these two websites have changed the concepts and practices of courtship. When I sent out my surveys to other college students, I wanted to find out how Facebook and Myspace altered relationships that began offline.

Through the numerous online surveys I conducted, I found that both websites have a positive and negative effect on relationships. These websites provide a new way for couples communicate and help eliminate geographical boundaries. Both sites allow one member of the couple to get brownie points, through gifts and comments, and get them out of the dog house. Based on the research, the websites do not alter the practices and concepts of courtship.

Comments on Facebook and Myspace provide a new way for couples to communicate and develop the relationship. While both sites can be used to leave comments, those surveyed used Facebook more to make comments on their significant others wall. People feel that Facebook has more of an effect on communication because Facebook is more user friendly. People feel that Facebook has a better set up than Myspace, which makes it easier to use. The primary reason why people say they like Facebook more is that information is easier to locate on the tool bar and the site is less flashy than Myspace.

For the most part, those surveyed felt that the comments their significant other leave on Facebook provide a new way to communicate. Comments on these websites tend to be short and simple messages like “I love you hunny” or “You look beautiful.” The comments help because they usually are loving messages that could brighten the day up. One person I surveyed said that the messages he gets from his fiancé help him get through the day. He also feels that a posting from her lets him know that she is thinking of him because she does not have to post since she could just have called.

Another person I surveyed said that one day she logged into facebook and all of the posts on her wall were from her boyfriend. This made her day because her boyfriend does not usually post comments on her wall. Another participant said that they logged into Facebook one day and saw that her boyfriend said that she looked beautiful that day and had fun hanging out with her. One participant in the survey said that the little messages his fiancé leaves are “a welcome surprise in a day that would otherwise be filled with bad news or events.”

Comments go farther that just loving messages that brightens your significant others day. One person felt that comments can get brownie points for those who are in the dog house. A prime example comes from a couple that just had an argument. After the argument was over, one member of the couple wrote “I’m sorry” on their significant others wall. This came off as more powerful than a real apology because they felt it took more effort to log into the website and leave a message. On top of that, it was more humiliating because all of their friends could see the apology. The person said that the apology got brownie points for their significant other and got them out of the dog house.

Another example of how Facebook has helped the relationship comes in the form of gifts. Gifts are random pictures that a person can give to anyone and allows them to attach a comment. The person giving the gift determines if the gift can be set to public, private, or anonymous. If the gift is set to public, everybody on Facebook can see who gave it and what the comment is. If the gift is set to private, it means that people can see that a gift was given and who it was given by, but the comment that comes with it can not be. If the gift is set to anonymous, it means that the public can not see who gave the gift and the comment that comes with it. One person said that they got in an argument with their significant other and the next day she got a gift. She said it meant a lot because the other person took the time to send the gift and write the comment. It also helped that the gift costs a dollar to send. In this instance, it got her significant other out of the dog house.

Other people feel that comments allow others to see how much the couple felt about each other. Another person surveyed said that they post their affection for each other on purpose. He said that he did it because he liked the idea of his significant others ex reading their affection for each other. He wanted to do this just to remind the ex that he had the girl and to stay away from her. It was a way to remind the ex that he had the chance with her already.

Another way that websites effect courtship is by helping to eliminate geographical boundaries. These boundaries can pose a hindrance in communication and the building of relationships. One person said that they lived five hours away from their significant other and it is difficult for them to communicate. He said that these two websites were one of the main ways to keep in contact their significant other. He felt that comments and the private messages these sites let you send help a lot. For those that do not know, private messages are comment sent from one user to another that no one else can see.

While it helped when their partner wrote a sweet comment on their wall, nice comments do not happen all the time. Some comments could be seen as annoying because they started arguments. One person said that one of her significant others ex posted on his wall. She said that she thought he never talked to the ex any more. This gave her doubts and caused an argument that set the relationship back. She said the argument started because she thought her significant other was still talking or thinking to his ex and it made her question his intentions.

People feel that their significant other needed to be careful about what they posted on their friends wall. The comment could come off as hurtful or disruptive to the relationship. A participant of the survey said that one time her boyfriend posted something provoking on a groups wall just to be funny and aggravating. It turned out it was a teammates group and an argument arouse between the teammates. She said that her boyfriend thought that she would not find out, but when she did find out it made her really mad. When she told her boyfriend that he should not make these kind of comments, it made him mad and started an argument.

Another form of comment that does not help the relationship is flirty comments made by other people. One participant of the survey said that his fiancé always gets “holla” messages from other guys. He felt that this was disruptive to the relationship because it made him jealous. Even though he admits its not his finances fault, it was not cool and set the relationship back a little.

The other problem with comments is that one can not tell the context someone is saying something. The meanings of comments left by your significant other or another person could get mixed up or misunderstood. One person said that his girlfriend left a message on his friend’s Facebook wall and he could not make out the meaning of the message. Even though he thought it was sarcasm, he was still a little jealous because he thought that maybe she had some underlying feelings for the friend.

Arguments can spawn from more than just mean comments or comments made by an ex girlfriend or boyfriend. Jealousy sparked arguments have also been started by Myspace and Facebook. One person said that jealousy and concern did arise when their significant other adds a member of the opposite sex to their friends list. She began to wonder how they met and maybe something was going on that she did not know about. After looking at the picture, so got a little jealous because she felt the other girl was better looking. She felt that boys can get jealous if a girl even has guy friends because her boyfriend got jealous and started an argument. He was just worried about the relationship.

One participant said that she gets upset with her significant other because she constantly messages him, but he does not message her back. She felt that a personal response was needed and it was disrespectful that her significant other did not respond. She felt that not responding to a private message was as disrespectful as not returning a phone call or email

Comments on Facebook are not the only part of the website that play an important role in relationships. One participant said that her and her boyfriend knew the password to each others Facebook page. This meant that each of them had full access to their significant others Facebook page. One day they both decided to go into each others page and change the picture, activities, and interests. She said that both members of them felt that this incident on Facebook helped loosen up the relationship and ended up bringing the relationship to a new level.

One user of Facebook and Myspace said that theinterest and activity section of these two websites also provides a way to deepen the relationship. She said her and het significant other list each other as one of their interest. They also put something along the line of “hanging out with my boyfriend” under their activities. She felt that this deepened the relationship because it is a way of saying “I love you” and “I actually like hanging out with you.” It also lets others see how the couple felt for each other.

Each of the two websites website that allows has its own quirk. Facebook’s quirk happens to be poking. Those that filled out the survey said that poking is a flirtatious thing to do with your significant other and is similar to poking your boyfriend and girlfriend in the stomach. The only real difference between the two ways of poking, is that Facebook’s poking is “virtual.” One of the people surveyed said that poking does not really affect the relationship. Poking is just another way to show your significant other you love them. Like in real life, poking can get annoying if someone continues to do. One participant of the survey said that her boyfriend calls her a pain when she does it because she has done it so many times that it has become obnoxious.

I have found that these two websites also have a positive affect on engagement and marriage. Facebook and Myspace provide a way for people to spread an engagement to people who they would not normally talk to. One of the people on my Facebook friends list, who I talk to every now and again, changed his status from being in a “relationship” to being “engaged.” I would have never known that the two were engaged if it had not been for Facebook. The person I surveyed who was engaged said that he got comments on Facebook and Myspace congratulating him and his fiancé on the engagement. He said that this made him feel better about the engagement, like getting married was the right thing to do for the couple.

Comments, poking, and private messages are not the only dangers these websites provide for relationships. People felt that there is more to these websites that could threaten the relationship. Even though Facebook and Myspace provide threats to their relationship, the participants of the survey felt that both Myspace is more of a threat to relationships.

One example of how Myspace poses a threat comes in the form of military personal. One person said that his girlfriend is always gets request to be added by military personal. He said that he thinks that his girlfriend would never cheat on him, he still feels this could be a threat to his relationships. This participant felt that his relationships was not the only one that could be threatened by this situation. He felt that this could be a threat because some people can be to weak and would fall into temptation to easily. According to the participant, the request by military personal causes jealousy and arguments.

Another example of how Myspace could be considered a threat comes from a comment made by a guy who I surveyed. He said that him and his girlfriend both had an account on both websites. He said that after dating for a few weeks, she felt it would be a good idea for both of them to deactivate their Myspace accounts. She felt that Myspace was to much of a threat because of the porn stars and the nude pictures on their account. They give her significant other a chance to cheat. He said that she also felt that Myspace makes it more practical to find users who live near you and it have less restrictions than Facebook. She felt that less restrictions meant people could easily advertise that they wanted to just meet up, making it easier for someone to get “sex.”

Facebook and Myspace can be considered fairly new “inventions.” While they are new, the concepts and practices of courtship are not. The results show that these websites do not really alter relationships, but they provide another way for relationships to be the way they are. The results show that comments and private messages provide a new way to start arguments. The websites quirks, like giving gifts, provide a new way to get people out of the dog house by giving them brownie points. Facebook and Myspace provide a new way to eliminate geographical boundaries and provide a new form of communication. On one hand, the websites do provide a new way loosen relationships and take them to a deeper level. On the other hand, the websites do provide a new way to make one of the members of the couple jealous through messages from an ex or having their significant other adds a member of the opposite sex.